Retreat in Silence...a realization

Three days of silence...far away from work. I calm myself and seek God.
I realize that i have no clue about my life. I thought i knew it but now i doubt it.
I thought i was a smart and wise person, it turned out that i am a careless, sloppy, and bewildered individual.
I don't know what are the focus of my life. I don't know what He wants from me in my life.
Now, i have decide to do some things...i realize i have to plan my life, my future even though it's remain a mistery. I have to decide some things that are congenial with my existence.
1. Seek the focus of life.
2. Do i really want to work as an educator for the rest of my life? or moving to the 'money businness'?
3. If i remain as an educator, i have to seek my specialty. What are the main lesson i want to teach?because working with so many intelligent people bluring my perspective and leave me with unfocused sight. Life without focus is the same with living with other people's direction. I'm just a puppet. LEARNING A LOT!
4. Decide my life plan, 10 years, 20 years, 30 years, and 40 years from now. One thing for sure, going abroad is one of my main steps.
5. Taking care of my finance, because i'm so careless that i cannot save one dime in my saving account, that ought to be changed.
6. Seeking and waiting for a soulmate, a husband. Someone who definitely can accept for who, what i am and who / what i will become.

My work days exhaust me in a way.
I confused, what happened to me?
Now i come to a realization, that...
I still confuse with my life,
with the 'it' thing that i pursue.
I have to decide what i will become,
even thought the future still misty and blur.
The future still a mistery,
but one can plan for a future,
in case the plan suited with Him.