Single, Available but no Discount.

Kalau dipikir-pikir sudah 2 tahun ini aku sendiri...single maksudnya. No romantic relationship or just a mere fling.
Orang-orang sering bertanya dan tidak percaya if i say that i am single.
Funny? confusing...
Some close friends said that guys afraid of me? for goodness sake what's that all about?!
Some friends said that i have too much high expectation, and guy (male species) look at me as a very high quality girl (in notorius way). They (the guy, i mean), see me as bright,beautiful,full of principles and strick girl. And they just backed off.
Sometimes i just want to say to them that i...Vidya...is just a normal human being, a girl, a sister, a daughter and a dreamer.
I am just a normal me. I wake up at 06.00 in the morning, i eat rice or sometimes bread for breakfast, i drink mineral water, i go to my office with my sister (and she drives), i eat rice for lunch, i eat rice for dinner (except for special occasion), i love reading books, i love watching Korean Drama, I like seeing cute and handsome guy, i like being with my family,...and the list goes on. What's the weird thing from that? i am normal.
About high expectation, where's the fault of dreaming for a person with certain criterias? i am not buying cat inside a sack. (Not comparing guy with cat of course).
About brain and brightness (i am not saying that i am the next Einstein), what's wrong with young girls or woman being smart, educated, love learning? Pleaseee.... this is the 21st century.
About being beautiful (depends on each person's perspective), thank you for the compliment. It's because God created me that way, what's to complaint about.
About full of principles, i think is normal for a girl to watch over herself, right?
About perfect...check the word 'perfect' in dictionary. For me someone who sees other person as perfect is complaining about him/herself.

Check my status --> single...lonely?while a lot of my friends getting married? Well, let me tell you a few secrets.

Right now, there is special someone that occupy my mind and heart(and he doesn't know), i smile everytime i see him or just think of him. I know his number but he doesn't know mine. It's so funny, like an old romantic Indonesian Movie or high school puppy love.
And...today i met him.
But, there is also someone that occupy my mind cause he rejected me with the sentence "You are so perfect." (helooooooooo?)
There is also someone that still occupy my mind cause the experiences with him never / haven't fade away, and we still contacted each other.Guess that means we're friends now.
There is also someone that occupy my space and time just because he forced it, with no reply. (poor on him)

And there is SPECIAL SOMEONE that occupy my future (which i cannot read yet), occupy my existence in a way that he completes me and likewise. He...i haven't know yet.Special someone that i am waiting for, looking for, praying for. He, i believe, knows God and loves God. He, maybe one of the guy listed above, or he maybe someone i never met before, he maybe a very close person to me...or a total stranger. But, we are meant for each other. I know that I am still waiting....for THE ONE.
The one that will not see me as beautiful, or perfect, or boring, or nerd, or stiff girl, or....(maybe he loves me because all of that?) I hope he sees me as who i am...just me, ordinary me. Someone that needed to be loved and loves in return. Someone that needs someone to talk too, to laugh with, to cry with, and just to be on her side.
Is it that difficult?

Lonely ? yes
(but i try to enjoy my loneliness and make the best of it)
Wanting? yes
(but i try to crave for chocolate sundae instead of a guy)
Desperate? No....not yet.
(that's until my biological clock start ticking)

Goodbye COP Squad - The Last Visit

Kemarin adalah hari terakhir aku di Plosolanang, Kediri. The last days i stayed together with the students from many countries. Entah kenapa perasaan ini bukannya tenang atau lega malah justru tidak nyaman, campursari antara kehilangan, senang, namun juga sedih. Tiga hari terakhir diisi dengan perpisahan mahasiswa dengan para warga, ada games 17an plus panjat pinang, lomba joget dan penyerahan perlengkapan voli untuk pemuda dusun. Hari minggu mahasiswa pamit secara pribadi dengan keluarga yang menjadi host parent selama di sana, berfoto bersama dan meminta maaf. Malam itu (3 Agustus 2008) untuk pertama kalinya aku melihat begitu banyak bintang di langit, bahkan terlalu banyak sampai menyilaukan mata. Langit gelap, minus lampu dan udara dingin menambah suasana jadi hening. Sepertinya bintang menyampaikan salam perpisahan untuk kami semua - mahasiswa yang menyaksikan terpana memandang ke langit (tidak melebih2kan lho).
Kami makan malam ala Korea. Mahasiswa Korea membakar ayam, membuat Takjuk (bubur ayam) dan menggoreng Kimchi. Makan malam terakhir itu benar2 membuat kesan buatku, karena aku ingin sekali mencoba masakan Korea, and their taste are great, Kimchi is now one of my favourite food.
Senin 4 Agustus 2008, mahasiswa berpamitan untuk terakhir kali. Tears from the students are shattered, smile are half smiled, and this chest felt very heavy, eventhough i have to maintain my calmness. Mahasiswa yang perempuan kembali ke posko bersama tas-tas terlebih dahulu karena mobil tidak muat, setelah itu mahasiswa laki-laki dijemput kemudian. Kami kembali ke Surabaya pukul 10 kurang menggunakan bus, tidak banyak yang berbicara entah karena lelah atau merasa sedih, atau justru tidak ada rasa apa-apa.
Aku pribadi merasa sangat terberkati dengan pengalaman - yang awalnya dipaksakan- ini. I have been blessed with new friends (walaupun aku tidak ke sana secara rutin), new experiences, and new understanding of other cultures. And, new understanding about myself.
Good bye COP squad, we'll meet again someday.
Annyonghi gaseyo.