Single, Available but no Discount.

Kalau dipikir-pikir sudah 2 tahun ini aku sendiri...single maksudnya. No romantic relationship or just a mere fling.
Orang-orang sering bertanya dan tidak percaya if i say that i am single.
Funny? confusing...
Some close friends said that guys afraid of me? for goodness sake what's that all about?!
Some friends said that i have too much high expectation, and guy (male species) look at me as a very high quality girl (in notorius way). They (the guy, i mean), see me as bright,beautiful,full of principles and strick girl. And they just backed off.
Sometimes i just want to say to them that i...Vidya...is just a normal human being, a girl, a sister, a daughter and a dreamer.
I am just a normal me. I wake up at 06.00 in the morning, i eat rice or sometimes bread for breakfast, i drink mineral water, i go to my office with my sister (and she drives), i eat rice for lunch, i eat rice for dinner (except for special occasion), i love reading books, i love watching Korean Drama, I like seeing cute and handsome guy, i like being with my family,...and the list goes on. What's the weird thing from that? i am normal.
About high expectation, where's the fault of dreaming for a person with certain criterias? i am not buying cat inside a sack. (Not comparing guy with cat of course).
About brain and brightness (i am not saying that i am the next Einstein), what's wrong with young girls or woman being smart, educated, love learning? Pleaseee.... this is the 21st century.
About being beautiful (depends on each person's perspective), thank you for the compliment. It's because God created me that way, what's to complaint about.
About full of principles, i think is normal for a girl to watch over herself, right?
About perfect...check the word 'perfect' in dictionary. For me someone who sees other person as perfect is complaining about him/herself.

Check my status --> single...lonely?while a lot of my friends getting married? Well, let me tell you a few secrets.

Right now, there is special someone that occupy my mind and heart(and he doesn't know), i smile everytime i see him or just think of him. I know his number but he doesn't know mine. It's so funny, like an old romantic Indonesian Movie or high school puppy love.
And...today i met him.
But, there is also someone that occupy my mind cause he rejected me with the sentence "You are so perfect." (helooooooooo?)
There is also someone that still occupy my mind cause the experiences with him never / haven't fade away, and we still contacted each other.Guess that means we're friends now.
There is also someone that occupy my space and time just because he forced it, with no reply. (poor on him)

And there is SPECIAL SOMEONE that occupy my future (which i cannot read yet), occupy my existence in a way that he completes me and likewise. He...i haven't know yet.Special someone that i am waiting for, looking for, praying for. He, i believe, knows God and loves God. He, maybe one of the guy listed above, or he maybe someone i never met before, he maybe a very close person to me...or a total stranger. But, we are meant for each other. I know that I am still waiting....for THE ONE.
The one that will not see me as beautiful, or perfect, or boring, or nerd, or stiff girl, or....(maybe he loves me because all of that?) I hope he sees me as who i am...just me, ordinary me. Someone that needed to be loved and loves in return. Someone that needs someone to talk too, to laugh with, to cry with, and just to be on her side.
Is it that difficult?

Lonely ? yes
(but i try to enjoy my loneliness and make the best of it)
Wanting? yes
(but i try to crave for chocolate sundae instead of a guy)
Desperate? No....not yet.
(that's until my biological clock start ticking)

Goodbye COP Squad - The Last Visit

Kemarin adalah hari terakhir aku di Plosolanang, Kediri. The last days i stayed together with the students from many countries. Entah kenapa perasaan ini bukannya tenang atau lega malah justru tidak nyaman, campursari antara kehilangan, senang, namun juga sedih. Tiga hari terakhir diisi dengan perpisahan mahasiswa dengan para warga, ada games 17an plus panjat pinang, lomba joget dan penyerahan perlengkapan voli untuk pemuda dusun. Hari minggu mahasiswa pamit secara pribadi dengan keluarga yang menjadi host parent selama di sana, berfoto bersama dan meminta maaf. Malam itu (3 Agustus 2008) untuk pertama kalinya aku melihat begitu banyak bintang di langit, bahkan terlalu banyak sampai menyilaukan mata. Langit gelap, minus lampu dan udara dingin menambah suasana jadi hening. Sepertinya bintang menyampaikan salam perpisahan untuk kami semua - mahasiswa yang menyaksikan terpana memandang ke langit (tidak melebih2kan lho).
Kami makan malam ala Korea. Mahasiswa Korea membakar ayam, membuat Takjuk (bubur ayam) dan menggoreng Kimchi. Makan malam terakhir itu benar2 membuat kesan buatku, karena aku ingin sekali mencoba masakan Korea, and their taste are great, Kimchi is now one of my favourite food.
Senin 4 Agustus 2008, mahasiswa berpamitan untuk terakhir kali. Tears from the students are shattered, smile are half smiled, and this chest felt very heavy, eventhough i have to maintain my calmness. Mahasiswa yang perempuan kembali ke posko bersama tas-tas terlebih dahulu karena mobil tidak muat, setelah itu mahasiswa laki-laki dijemput kemudian. Kami kembali ke Surabaya pukul 10 kurang menggunakan bus, tidak banyak yang berbicara entah karena lelah atau merasa sedih, atau justru tidak ada rasa apa-apa.
Aku pribadi merasa sangat terberkati dengan pengalaman - yang awalnya dipaksakan- ini. I have been blessed with new friends (walaupun aku tidak ke sana secara rutin), new experiences, and new understanding of other cultures. And, new understanding about myself.
Good bye COP squad, we'll meet again someday.
Annyonghi gaseyo.

Hectic Nu Day

Today is a hectic day, you can believe me.
My office packed with confused students asking questions. Well, somehow it's a normal state in this kind of day and schedule, the study plan registration. I know that this time is a crucial time for them cause their future somehow depend on it, mistake on one schedule or course, they can either late for graduation or no course at all. I wish i can do more to help them.

By the way, last week i went to Kediri once again to visit the COP students. Glad to see them again. I can see despite their different point of view and culture but they manage to cooperate. Little problems occurred of course, but i guess it's normal. I have seen the result of their work in several places, like the street signs. I also join their work in painting the school wall, even though i did poorly..hehehe. They told me that on Sunday, a day before my arrival, they went to Pohsarang, religious Catholic site in Kediri. They shown me the pictures, funny pictures. A student told me that they had to cramped 14 students in a car (Kijang or Panther), sitting in their friend'a lap was inevitable, but they enjoyed it very much. Little envy across my heart, cause they can go to a place where i want to go with a lot of friends. They also learn to sing Afgan's song Terima Kasih Cinta, when Bao (Korean student) sang the song i laughed widely, cause his tone was fortunately good, and the spelling was good also, but the way he sang it made me laugh.
Well, i'll continue the story of COP, after i go there for the last time.
Happy holiday tomorrow.

Eoso Eoseyo Plosolanang!

It's me again.
4 days have passed by since my leave to Kediri. And let me tell you that those days were great!
I arrived in the village 8 July 2008. The first day we (i and students from Indonesa, Korea, Japan, Hongkong and Netherland)done almost nothing actually.All students went to Head of the subvillage Plosolanang and introduced by him to some of the people in the village and we took the students to their homes. After that 4 student (and myself) drove to the head of The Village (Gambyok) house and introduced ourselves. Minimun English plus Tarzan language done pretty much of the conversation. I became the main translator.
The second day, we're gather around and show the Indonesian plans. And we went to surveyed the village. It's hot and dusty days, i can see the shock in their eyes about the weather and village condition but they manage not to exposed it and complain about it. The funny thing was, there's a crazy woman that followed us everywhere, the foreigners think she was pretty funny and treat her casually. The creepy part came when the crazy woman put out a knife and starting to peel a mango in front all of us. Everyone getting little bit scare and decide to stay away. Our first survey was to elementary and kindergarten school. The condition was dirty and lack of convinience.We've planned to renovate it, give some colors and pictures to it. And after that we went along the little river and the brink of the paddy fields. Despite the heat, everyone looked amazed.
When we returned to Pak Kepala Dusun house, tense rising in. The Indonesian Student's steps in planning were slow, and the Dutch think it's too slow. The Korean had a tight schedule that had to be performed, and we have to follow them also. The Hongkong and Japanese student had no fix plans, they just following the conversation. Actually the Dutch, with their quick wit managed to improve the speed of the planning.
The Third day, planning again and sending the proposal to the headquarters in the city. While 2 Indonesian student went to the city, the rest of the student watched the Posyandu service in Pak Kepala Dusun house, they're once again amazed with the process and condition. After that they have a free time, while the Indonesian fixed the proposal that was returned by the headquaters. At noon the Korean went to other village to perform their Music instrument , Samoyuri (if i'm not mistake in writing it) until 5 in the evening. At night the Dutch watch the Circumcision Event (Khitanan) that was held by one of the villagers.They think it's great experience and they felt honored by it.
The third night was a catastrophe. After a meeting (musyawarah) with the representatives of the village, all students went to their homes, except the Indonesian. Three students were sick. I think because of the harvest time air (polluted by the dust from paddy) and extreme weather (hot at noon and cold at night), almost all of them in my house. I, forced to act as their mother (gosh, and i even haven't got any boyfriend). Early in the morning (01.30 WIB) after i called them, people from headquarter arrived to check the sick students.
The fourth day, a free time day. Cause all plans have been agreed upon the day before.In the morning they all woke up almost late at noon cause they were tired and reviving from the sickness. At 11.00 they gathered around and play some games, funny games. I returned to Surabaya at 2 in the afternoon.
I believe i can leave them all in peace, cause they have known each other pretty well.
Well, one positive thing is i get to learn Korean language, straight from the natives. Joaheyo!

Annyonghaseyo...COP Squad

Hari ini adalah hari yang sangat melelahkan...so tiring..but SO MUCH FUN. Yup, hari ini aku dan rombongan mahasiswa COP (Community Outreach Program) menanam pohon di sepanjang stren kali daerah Gunungsari. Some experience!

Ceritanya, rombongan COP adalah gabungan mahasiswa Indonesia dan Asing (Jepang, Belanda, Korea Selatan, dan Hongkong) yang akan tinggal di beberapa dusun di Kediri dan melakukan KKN, di Petra istilahnya adalah COP. Sebelum mereka tinggal di sana, mereka terlebih dahulu mengikuti kegiatan Bakti Surabaya, ya itu tadi kegiatan penanaman pohon (di Gunungsari dan Medokan Semampir) dan membagi brosur tentang lingkungan hidup di beberapa jalan protokol.

Actually it's fun experience, despite the tremendous heat and dust we had to face. Me, perform as the Field Consellor, acompany one group in a certain village, mine is Plosolanang Village.

Today, because all the Field Counsellor (DPL) unable to come, i became the only DPL there. The consequences were, i have to help the organizer coordinate the foreigners, become a translator, and tour guide. Whoa...great experience.

Today, i learn a lot of things. I learn how to say Annyonghaseyo correctly, learning Japanese, Dutch, and more Javanese, because i have to speak with stren kali community hahahaha. I learn that i really love the experience, even though it's just the first time, the beginning of a very long period of time (one month). I learn how to behave in a manner of a counsellor, even though not all participants understand that i am one of the lecturing staff, hehehehehe kinda funny. After few of them learn that i am a teacher they began asking for forgiveness for their unpolite and rude behaviour. I just smile not thinking their act as rudeness. But how can i consider myself as a counsellor if their age are older than me (a lot of them). I just wish they can think of me as a friend.

Well, that's bits of my one day experience, i will tell u the follow up later after i return from Kediri.

Annhyongi gaseyo

Man Afraid of Rain, Why oh Why?

“Maaf, aku telat menjemputmu, tadi hujan di dekat rumah.”
“Maaf, kita tidak jadi pergi, tadi hujan di jalan.”
“Maaf, tadi sewaktu aku pergi hujan turun deras sekali, aku jadi nggak jemput kamu.”
“Maaf yang tadi nggak jemput kamu, daripada basah kuyup, dan kamu sakit…”
Pernahkah kita mendengar kata-kata seperti itu, keluar dari mulut laki-laki yang kita tunggu? Kalau menurut saya, sering. Sepertinya ada keterkaitan antara rasa takut laki-laki pada hujan dan menjadi basah. Aneh? Sangat.
Sejak berabad-abad silam, kaum Adam atau laki-laki dikenal sebagai sosok kuat, macho, tidak mudah menyerah. Bahkan laki-laki dikenal sebagai makhluk nomor satu, atau sebagai makhluk yang paling berakal, sementara perempuan sebagai makhluk nomor dua. Di peradaban lama, saat manusia masih mengandalkan mata pencaharian dari berburu dan nomaden, laki-laki adalah pemburu nomor satu dan pelindung kelompok. Perempuan diamankan di rumah untuk menghasilkan dan merawat anak, selain melakukan pekerjaan rumah tangga lainnya. Pada masa renaissance dan kejayaan Eropa, perempuan masih berada pada posisi subordinat. Perempuan yang memiliki kekayaan tertentu saja yang dapat bermimpi untuk memiliki pasangan yang terhormat. Coba saja tengok kisah perempuan dalam novel karangan Jane Austen, yang banyak bercerita tentang kehidupan kaum aristocrat dan bangsawan pada abad 18-19 masehi. Elisabeth Bennet, dalam kisah Pride and Pejudice, yang tinggal di keluarga yang tidak kaya tapi berkecukupan, harus melihat dan merasakan saudari-saudarinya ‘ditawarkan’ pada acara-acara tertentu untuk mendapatkan pasangan. Dirinya pun mengalami nasib serupa, meskipun akhirnya bisa menikah dengan laki-laki yang dia cintai, yang kebetulan memiliki kekayaan melimpah. A perfect Cinderella Story, every little girl’s dream, becoming a princess that saved by a prince from the evil dragon and witches.
Kemajuan yang mendera peradaban manusia, ternyata tidak membawa dampak positif yang signifikan bagi kaum perempuan, di luar dari pendidikan bagi kaum perempuan oleh R.A. Kartini, munculnya Megawati Soekarno Putri sebagai presiden perempuan pertama di Indonesia, dan banyak lagi cerita kemajuan yang dicapai perempuan. Di belahan bumi yang lain perempuan masih berada pada posisi subordinat, menilik kisah perempuan dalam novel non fiksi karangan Nawal El Sadawi membuka mata tentang kondisi perempuan di negara muslim – tidak menggeneralisasikan semua perempuan di banyak negara muslim – yang masih terikat dengan aturan laki-laki sebagai nomor satu. Banyak dari kaum perempuan yang menikah di usia muda, mengalami penyunatan dan penutupan labia hanya untuk memuaskan keinginan kaum laki-laki. Kaum perempuan di beberapa Negara Afrika juga mengalami nasib serupa, seperti yang pernah diceritakan dalam Oprah Winfrey Show beberapa waktu silam. Di Negara berpopulasi terbesar di dunia, China, aturan anak satu untuk setiap keluarga, ‘memaksa’ keluarga ‘menyingkirkan’ anak yang lain, lebih mudah bila anak yang dibuang adalah perempuan. Karena anak laki-laki adalah berharga. Di Korea, dimana neo-confucianisme adalah agama, perempuan adalah subordinat bagi laki-laki. Bila seorang perempuan menikah dengan laki-laki, dia akan terlepas sepenuhnya dari keluarganya. Itu hanya beberapa contoh dari ‘takdir’ perempuan sebagai kaum subordinat, yang sebenarnya diterima sebagai yang seharusnya oleh perempuan sendiri. Di luar dari posisi perempuan sebagai subordinat, di beberapa Negara atau budaya. Kita tetap harus melihat kemajuan yang dicapai oleh perempuan.
Sekarang beralih pada kaum laki-laki, yang selama ini dikenal sebagai makhluk ciptaan Tuhan nomor satu. Bahasa Inggris pun menamai manusia – human being – 'man’. Laki-laki telah dikenai peran sebagai pelindung, tameng bagi segala kesulitan hidup. Laki-laki tidak boleh menangis, laki-laki tidak boleh memiliki ketakutan terhadap suatu hal, dan tidak boleh memakai baju berwarna pink. Laki-laki adalah breadwinner keluarga, pencari nafkah, penerus nama keluarga atau marga. Laki-laki adalah pemimpin agama, pemimpin politik, presiden, dokter, pilot, sopir, pengusaha sukses, dan banyak lagi peran yang dikaitkan pada laki-laki. Bahkan di dunia militer, ada aturan yang mengharuskan laki-laki melindungi perempuan di tempat umum, seperti misalnya ketika naik tangga atau escalator di plaza yang ramai, seorang taruna harus berada di belakang si perempuan, melindungi. Mungkin kita bisa mendaftar peran dan perilaku yang identik dengan laki-laki lebih panjang lagi. Bila dipikir-pikir, laki-laki juga subordinat bagi peran-peran yang dilekatkan baginya. Apakah dia tidak boleh menangis di saat dia tertekan? Bisa gila tuh laki.
Kembali pada persoalan awal. Ada apa antara laki-laki dan hujan? Kenapa mereka yang begitu kuat bisa takut hujan dan menjadi basah? Bila kaum laki-laki ditanya, ada beberapa jawaban yang bisa terlontar.
“Lho, daripada basah waktu ketemu pacar, kan tidak lucu.” (ungkapan laki-laki yang harus tampil ganteng di depan pacarnya.)
“Kalau menjemput pacar dan kehujanan, kasihan dianya, bisa sakit.” (ungkapan laki-laki yang merasa kalau pacarnya harus dilindungi, karena kena hujan berarti penyakit.)
“Besoknya harus kerja atau kuliah, kalau sakit bisa berabe.” (ungkapan laki-laki yang memperhatikan masa depan dirinya)
“Kata mama, jangan hujan-hujanan, bisa sakit.” (ungkapan laki-laki yang sangat memperhatikan kekuatiran ibunya, alias anak mama.)
“Saya baru mencuci motor (atau mobil) saya, eman kalau kena hujan.” (ungkapan laki-laki yang mencintai propertinya dan hemat air.)
“Saya naik motor, kalau hujan deras dan maksa pergi, namanya bunuh diri. Kan jalannya nggak keliatan.” (ungkapan laki-laki yang punya motor dan terlalu banyak nonton film thriller, tapi cukup rasional)
“Saya baru dari salon, hujan berarti duit perawatan terbuang percuma dong.” (ungkapan cowok metroseksual yang naik motor dan hemat uang.)
“Kalau kena hujan, berarti basah.” (ungkapan laki-laki yang tidak nyambung dengan pertanyaannya. Menjawab dengan jawaban retoris.)
Masih ada 2,5 milyar jawaban berbeda dari laki-laki di muka bumi ini. Kesimpulannya?
Setiap laki-laki berbeda, jawaban yang diberikan mungkin pula berbeda. Kita tidak bisa menggeneralisasikan laki-laki berdasarkan jawaban yang mereka lontarkan di atas. Ada laki-laki yang memang peduli dengan kesehatan dan melindungi pacarnya dari hujan, yang menurut perubahan iklim saat ini mengandung zat asam yang berbahaya untuk kesehatan. Ada pula yang memang hanya mempedulikan dirinya sendiri, khususnya yang mengeluarkan uang banyak untuk perawatan dirinya. Ada juga laki-laki yang memang tidak suka menjadi basah, karena fobia terhadap air. Semua alasan bisa dan tidak bisa dipersalahkan.
Sekarang pertanyaannya adalah, bila menyangkut cinta, perasaan yang mengikat dua individu jadi satu, apakah ketakutan laki-laki terhadap hujan bisa dibenarkan? Ada yang bilang untuk menguji kadar perasaan cinta seorang laki-laki pada perempuan adalah dengan menyuruh laki-laki itu menjemput kekasihnya saat hujan turun. Maukah dia? Atau dia akan melontarkan seribu alasan, seperti tercantum di atas. Apakah laki-laki akan mendahulukan logika, seperti yang seharusnya dilakukan laki-laki, atau mendengarkan kata hatinya yang terikat pada perempuan itu? Apapun alasannya, hanya laki-laki yang bisa menjawab ketakutan atau keengganan mereka terhadap hujan. Perempuan di sisi lain juga bisa mempertanyakan kadar perasaan laki-laki terhadapnya ketika beberapa tetes air dari langit mencegah laki-laki tersebut menjadi pangeran berkuda putih dan menjemputnya ke tempat yang teduh. Bagaimana dengan pasanganmu?

p.s. tulisan ini bisa diperdebatkan, lha wong cuma uneg2 yang muncul tiba-tiba.
ada opini lain?boleh diungkapkan.

Too many sleep...

Hi, i'm back.

To tell the truth i've been a naughty girl lately. Lazy. The last 2 days, i've been unable to work properly. The first day i overslept, literally. I slept at 7 am and woke up at 11, working nonstop until 30 past 4 in the morning, than sleep again. The next day (yesterday) i slept at 30 past 6 at night and woke up 5 in the morning. So unproductive.

I feel so guilty in a way i cannot finish all my work on time, i wasted my time and done absolutely nothing.
From that i learn somethings:

1. I need to reset my work clock.

2. I have to spend my time wisely, leave all the crap work outside my juridiction, and do the things on my A list.

3. Rest enough, cause a girl sure need her beauty sleep.

4. Love life, cause all the wasted time will never coming back, i cannot save it, nor throw it away.